My Fears; My Strength

I have fears. Many fears. But I know I have to face it. Be brave. Be strong.
Back when I was 10 years old, I’m always a fan of romantic love stories. And I know my parents has that kind of love. It’s eternal, infinity, has no ending, and I can feel that. Though sometimes they fight, I know they still love each other. From that day, I promised myself to find that kind of true love that will last forever.  I’m this kind of choosy girl who would not date someone just for fun but for a lifetime.
Til the day came, at the age of 15, I fell in love. Everything was so right. That kind of feeling waking up every morning and expecting someone will greet you and say those happy words. But of course, I’m this kind of woman who will gives you a lot of trouble before saying yes. He courted me for about a year. We spent a lot of time with each other, there’s a lot of surprises, overlapping sweetness and all. I know from that moment, I was truly happy and contented. He showered me with love. He made me feel like a queen in his life. But I was not aware that from that very moment that I said yes, was the moment that I will soon regret. I got pregnant at the age of 17, gave birth at the age of 18 years old. I watched my parents’ expectations and dreams for me slowly fading away, the saddest part is, I can’t do anything to lessen their pain. At a very young age, I become a mother. He was there. He was there within the first 8 months that I got pregnant. He made sure to took good care of me and the angel in my womb. But on the 9th month, there was a very bad news came in. The man that I used to know was a different man in his world. In his world where I do not exist. Where “we” do not exist. It hurts like hell. Its tearing me apart and there was no exact word to describe the pain I felt.
I’d even asked myself in the mirror, “How could a smart, brave, strong, fearless person like you be fooled?” “How dare that man ruined your life with all of his lies?” I cried. I was broke. I was alone. Yes, he left me, he broke me, he ruined me and most of all, took away my dreams and threw me away like a trash. I don’t know what to do. I’m still in love with him, I still wants him back. But what hurts me most, is I know I’m not this kind of person who beg someone for attention, who will choose the wrong path. This is not me. I know I need to let go, I need to forget everything. And it was not easy, this stage was killing me day by day. I have to move on, I have to, I need to. I want to because I have this angel inside me that I need to protect.
That moment, that unforgettable moment. The first time I laid my eyes on my son. That was truly happiness, and I’m sure of it. Yes, he left me broken and ruined my everything but I was glad that he left me an angel, an angel that I am forever thankful to have. I am proud and happy to be a single mother in a very young age. So if you’ll judge me because I gave birth and became a mother at 18 years of age, go ahead. I don’t care. I love my son as much as I love God. And I guess I don’t have time for your criticisms and stupid opinions. I am proud that I’m able to stand up and take all the responsibilities as a mother and as a father to my angel. Yes, it’s not easy and will never be, but I am happy seeing that I’m raising the man who will be a good and responsible husband for the future. And I know he’ll be there for me and me for him. We’ll be there for each other, no matter what happen.

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